Jacob...3 months! Just look at those baby blue eyes! Love him so much! Would love to meet him again one day!

FEELING JOY ONCE MORE!

This lady hit the nail on the head, it may as well have been me writing it except times two! In my case, it was plain and simple "ABANDONMENT" of the first one,  yet through hard work and the Grace of God (plus lots of writing) I've come through to the "other side" and can now experience joy and happiness!  I hope you care enough to read the post through and you will see what I have come through.  It certainly has not been an easy journey, that's for sure! DJH


"When I was first estranged by my daughter I was ashamed, I felt it was me, that I was to blame, that I was a failure and that I was not good enough.  I felt burdened not only by the grief of the estrangement but also that I was somehow to blame for everything that went wrong. During this time I was very secretive about my grief.  I hid it from everyone except my very closest most trusted friends.  I removed myself from the lives of anyone tainted or influenced by my daughters' point of view, anyone who did not even respect me enough to ask for my side of the story.

Instead I started keeping a journal as a place to write my thoughts, often working in secret, facing the confusing and bewildering emotions that assailed me.  I thought I was alone in being this terrible person, so terrible in fact that my daughter wanted nothing to do with me. 

I did not want any of my secret recriminating thoughts to be seen by her as I flayed myself for every possible mistake I might ever have inadvertently made.  At one point in time I even blamed myself for making her into the self-centered, narcissistic person that she is.  After all if she can do this horrible thing to me then it must be my fault for having raised her to be capable of such behaviour.

Then gradually over time, I learned more and more about estrangement and the people who choose to estrange. I joined support groups and came to realize there were thousands of others going through the same emotionally scaring trauma. 

The more I learnt about personality and character traits and behaviours, the more I came to understand that it wasn't me....it was my estranged daughter who has the problem.   I am who I have always been a loving, caring, kind, generous, giving, honest person, someone who routinely put others ahead of myself, I never changed.  That fact is that she changed.   She "allowed" others to influence her to change her relationship with me.  She was the one who created reasons and created a story to justify her actions.   She was the one who decided to not have me in her life. She was the one that started issuing ultimatums designed to manipulate and control.  She became a bully when she started using bullying tactics.  All of that is on her not on me.

Now time has passed, over 5 years in fact, and I have learned and changed.  I now post about estrangement, about how it affects families and individuals about how it is epidemic and anything else I wish to post to bring this topic out into the open, to help others realize the stigma is not in being estranged....but rather the stigma is on those that feel that estrangement is the solution to a communication problem.

Those who estrange do so because it is too hard from them to face the hard work of effective communication and relationship building.  They run away from conflict rather than looking at ways of resolving conflict.   They are the problem and they have the problem and they choose to estrange rather than deal with the problem and move forward.  They chose live in the past and to hold onto a grudge from the past because it is the easy way out.  They lay blame because it is easier than facing their own inner demons and their own faults and short comings.  It is easiest to lay the blame on someone else than look too closely and with introspection at their own inadequacies and their own poor choices. 

And I have no problem now with being the voice in the dark that calls it like it is.   If I or any other parent has done the best they could and then offered apologies for any miss understandings or omissions that may have come about in the process and then still not been forgiven, then the problem lies not with us but rather with those that hold onto the grudge even past reason, just for the sake of holding on to the grudge.

They continue to hold on to the past and their grievances beyond all reason.  They do so just so they can continue to deny to themselves the fact that they have chosen to run away from a difference of opinion rather than facing and negotiating a forward looking solution.  Where there is no communication there is no give and take, where there is no give and take there is no compromise.  It takes maturity to realize that compromise is necessary for effective relationships. It takes maturity to give up a grudge. 

I am finally at that place of learning and understanding where I realize that I can apologize for all my errors in judgment but I can't force my daughter to accept my apology. Reconciliation requires both parties to participate; it is not a one way street.

And oddly enough, I now find that all the counseling and therapy and support group work have led me to a place where I now value myself enough to realize that I too am owed an apology for the way that I have been treated.  I did not do anything to warrant this kind of punishment.  Time outs are not meant to last for days, let alone months and years.  

• No one deserves to be given the silent treatment.  
• No one deserves to be bullied or manipulated using the withdrawal of love as the punishment.  
• No one deserves to be subjected to the abuse of neglect and estrangement because of a difference of opinion.

That is not how loving relationships are sustained.

So where does all of this knowledge and awareness lead me?  

• It leads me to that place where I realize that I have every right to my feelings on the topic of estrangement.  
• It leads me to a place of personal freedom and acceptance that what I experience as a result of the estrangement is mine. 
• It also leads me to that place where if they (the e-strangers) take offense for me expressing my point of view and my feelings then that too is their problem.   

I am just as entitled to my opinions and my feelings in response to their actions as they are entitled to the option that they have chosen...which was their use of, “the silent treatment” as a form of punishment for my parenting skills being found inadequate. 

Their attempt to manipulate me into capitulating to their demands through the "silent treatment" no longer is going to work because I have come to the conclusion that I am just as deserving of respect as they think they are.  And since their actions show clearly that they do not respect me, then it is not my obligation to respect them.   And if I do not respect their choice of actions then I also have no obligation to respect their demands.

I think that with the passage of time I have developed a hard outer shell to protect my heart and my spirit which are still so very vulnerable.   I however, have also toughened up to the point where I will no longer tolerate being treated abusively just to "save" a relationship that I did not break. 

I now feel very powerfully from my inner core, they did the breaking....it is now up to them to do the mending.   I have apologized and been ignored.  I will not beg or plead.  My apology needs to be accepted and they also need to be accountable and apologize in return.

I also will not be silenced.  My e-strangers can troll my posts all they want ....what can they do to me that they have not already done?   I am already pushed out of their lives....they can't put me out any more.  I am already living the silent treatment....there is nothing they can do to increase the degree of silence.  

• They have already accused me of all my parenting crimes and called me all the names they could think of.   
• They have already told lies about me to those that would listen.  
• They have already influenced all the people that they could to their way of thinking and those who are loyal to me can't be swayed by their lies.   

There is nothing that they can do now that they haven't already done.  There is power in knowing that the worst has already happened.   The family that is already torn asunder by estrangement is already broken,  you can't destroy a thing that has already been destroyed.

So whether they like or dislike that I voice my opinion changes nothing.   And maybe just possibly some e-stranger will read my messages and realize that you can't solve anything with the silent treatment and the abuse of neglect; and they will make an effort to reconnect with affirmative action and communication!  

What a benefit that would be!  Maybe, just possibly some family somewhere, will be reconnected because I have nothing left to lose."

Renate Dundys Marrello

WAKE UP AMERICA !!!

WAKE UP AMERICA !!!

Jeff Swenson

September 20 at 10:47 PM

In the Muslim faith a Muslim man can marry a child as young as 1 year old and have sexual intimacy with this child. Consummating the marriage by 9.
The dowry is given to the family in exchange for the woman (who becomes his slave) and for the purchase of the private parts of the woman, to use her as a toy.
Even though a woman is abused she cannot obtain a divorce. To prove rape, the woman must have (4) male witnesses.
Often after a woman has been raped, she is returned to her family and the family must return the dowry.
The family has the right to execute her (an honor killing) to restore the honor of the family.
Husbands can beat their wives 'at will' and he does not have to say why he has beaten her.
The husband is permitted to have (4 wives) and a temporary wife for an hour (prostitute) at his discretion.
The Sharia Muslim law controls the private as well as the public life of the woman.
(In twenty years there will be enough Muslim voters in Canada, Australia, the U.S. And Britain To elect the heads of Government by themselves!
Rest assured they will do so... You can look at how they have almost taken over several towns in the USA.. Dearborn Mich. is one and there are others.. Britain has several cities now with Sharia Law controlled zones, totally controlled by Muslims)
I think everyone in Canada, Australia, the U.S And Great Britain should be required to read this, but with the ACLU, there is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends it on!
It is too bad that so many are disillusioned with life and Christianity to accept Muslims as peaceful. Some may be but they have an army that is willing to shed blood in the name of Islam.
The peaceful support the warriors with their finances and own kind of patriotism to their religion.
While Canada, Australia, the U.S.A. and Britain are getting rid of Christianity from all public sites and erasing God from the lives of children the Muslims are

REALITY

Jun 5, 2005 at 4:57 PM

Reality

As I lie here half asleep in the darkness
contemplating rising,
only half of me wishes to accommodate
my semiconscious state.

Yet I rise, dropping bare feet into slippers,
before they can touch the cold floor,
and push me into harsh reality,
long before the day dictates I must.

Before the sun rises, before the warm tea
has any effect upon me,
my thought patterns emerge
and for the hundredth time they ask:

Who turned the sunlight off?
Who took all the colors from the rainbow,
leaving everything so gray?
Who stole my hopes and dreams
out of my heart and head away?

Who, please tell me, took my passion for love, my zest for life?
Then the answer to all my cerebral torture comes
and says very simply, you did.

You did, when you decided not to participate
in my life! 

You did, when you took my heart and in
it's place left a gaping, bleeding hole!

Because with you went my skies of blue,
and sunny, happy days.

Even now in this lackluster haze,
I recognize you were my strength,
my courage, my heart!

For only with you was I totally alive!

  But, now it seems I've died!
Or, is it simply I have wanted to,
for lack of you?

If only someone could tell me now,
how do I separate you from the very fibers
of my heart, my soul, my being?

So, I can once more breath again,
live again, laugh again?

Please, does anyone know?

Deborah Taylor Hodge

Copyright ©2005 Deborah Taylor

1971

Jacob looks a great deal like me in this photo.  Same eyes, same color hair. 

Happy Day!

Well Said by Michael Goodwin!

“Good God, free at last, free at last.
Donald Trump is now free to be president without the cloud that hovered over him since his election. No president ever faced, let alone survived, a probe as fierce and determined as this one.

Cleared of false charges that threatened to end his presidency, Trump can be forgiven for gloating and rubbing a little salt into the wounds of his tormentors with a jab about serving another “10 to 14 years.”
Naturally, the hysterics are hysterical over that one. They can’t even take a joke.
Yet Trump’s great victory is not his alone. The release of the special counsel report marks a day of freedom for all of America and sends shock waves around the world.
As Attorney General William Barr said, the finding by special counsel Robert Mueller that nobody in the United States knowingly helped Russia interfere in the 2016 presidential campaign “is something that all Americans can and should be grateful to have confirmed.”
Take that, Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi. Deal with it, Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler. You should be celebrating the outcome, not denouncing it.
The reality was that, while Russia dangled the bait, no one from the Trump campaign or anyone else took it. Those findings stand as a refreshing testament to the character of our people and the sanctity of the election.
So hide your head in shame, Hillary Clinton. You started the false charge of collusion because you couldn’t accept defeat, and now your name will be synonymous with the most destructive hoax in American history.
But reaching this uplifting conclusion took 23 months and held the entire nation hostage for half a presidential term over the possibility that the president had conspired with a foreign power to steal the election, then illegally sought to hide the evidence.

Happy 21st Birthday to my grandson Brandon!

This is the way I always wish to remember him.  Not the bitter young man he is today. How much he loved me, his Nana.  It was that way until third parties who had a score to settle interfered. Sad.  But, I will always love him (and his brother). 

.

Happy Birthing Day to Me!!!

My youngest estranged daughter's birthday is March 9th, same as was my Mom's.  Melissa Carin turned 42. Since I've missed all her 20's, 30's, and now her forties, I no longer think of it as her day, but mine.  After all, it was ME that carried her under my heart for nearly ten months, and it was Me that labored nearly 40 hours to give birth to her.  I fiercely protected her until she was eighteen, until the pedophile monster, Edward Joseph, came into her life.  Making me a far better Mom than she could ever be, because she (and her Dad) has kept my oldest grandson in that sick lifestyle all his life - she did it out of fear of him and for money and CCG did it solely for revenge for a divorce he didn't want. With his mood swings and his anger issues I couldn't get away from him fast enough!  What kind of man keeps his daughter and grandson living with a maniacal pedophile in order to satisfy his longing for revenge???  Not much of one at all, ya'll. Like I said, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHING DAY TO ME!!!!!!!!

Thought I would make this wreath next! Spring is just around the corner...so

The Sun is Shining!

Always makes me feel so much better when the sun shines!  Many cold, cold days then BOOM, out of the blue a couple of nice days hitting over 65 degrees!  I'll take it!  :-)