Happy Thanksgiving!

Every Thanksgiving, the table is set with my best china and silver, upon my fanciest tablecloth.  Every thing is in place, ready for my family to arrive. The crystal stemware, my beautiful flower arrangement in the center, everything just as I like it.  

The song "Over the River and through the Woods to Grandmother's House We Go" keeps playing over and over and over again in my head like a broken record, but is so apropos.  Considering I live about an hours' drive away from them and I do live out in the country, there are a couple of rivers they cross to get here. Albeit, Interstate bridges, but still bridges.

My oldest daughter, her husband, and my two grandsons, Brandon and Caleb should be well on their way to my house soon  I'm still surprised and shocked when I see them nowadays because I still think of them as little boys instead of the tall, handsome men they are now.  I actually have to look up in order to talk to them and they laugh those deep, nearly unrecognizable laughs and tell me how much they now tower over their "Nana."

On the table is turkey and dressing, ham with my special glaze, home-made gravy, corn casserole, sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce, hot rolls with real butter, and my specialty dessert, Deb's Famous Cherry Cream Cheese pies (the name of the recipe was tongue-in-cheek as only my family and close friends, as well as some former co-workers have ever tasted it, but I still have high hopes. lol)

Yes, everything is set, but there is always someone missing.  Actually two people.  My youngest daughter, Melissa, and my oldest grandson, Jacob.  Fifteen years gone, fifteen fleeting Thanksgivings.  I've missed all of her twenties, and now nearly all her thirties. Not to mention these fifteen long years without Jacob.  All those years and milestones in his life, all vanished. Truly gone with the wind.

Yet, even though she is older, I sometimes feel she still really needs me.  At a young age, she was  thrown into adulthood (purposely planned and foisted upon her by another) far sooner than most girls her age. Often, I want to tell her I simply told the truth.  That the only one who can now vindicate me, is Jacob, my oldest grandson.  But, he never will because he is terrified of him, too.

What I would give to place my arms around her and just hold her, to protect her like I did when she was a chubby-cheeked little girl.  As only a Mother's love and arms will do.  Because only a Mother can make you feel truly secure in this world.  For sure, there is no one else in this world that will ever love you as much as your Mother does.  The one who gave birth to you, the one who raised you, the one who would let no one hurt or harm you for eighteen years. Only wish I could have saved you from him.  Life would have been so different for us all.

After all these years, I am really not morose, just get a bit sad missing her/them especially around the holidays.   But, life goes on and I have had to move on and live the life that God has been gracious enough to give me.  He's also has given me the faith that one day Melissa, Jacob, and I will be reunited.

I've also realize that Time is not a true healer, but Time is a great salve.  

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to you, and especially to those who are present in my life and the ones who are missing.

Love you all!

Gift of Time by Deborah Gibson Taylor

I've grown old and weary 
in your deafening absence
waiting for your presence.
And, I am disappointed.

At every turn, every bend
I hear your voice, see your face
full of beauty, full of grace.
And, I am reminded.

Oft I tremble, my hands shake
recalling fond memories of you
but always old ones, never new.
And, I weep.

My heart is heavy, my eyes tear
when I realize dearest daughter
how much I miss your laughter,
and, our lost gift of time.

I love you, Melissa, please come back!  Mom