It seems to come out mostly at night. And, before I know it, I am weeping. No one can fix it, well, except God in His own time. But, time does truly hang heavy when you are missing two of your family members.
One I carried under my heart for nearly ten months, happily enduring her every hiccup and mule-like kick in utero, before finally giving life to her over her loud protests. The other, my first grandchild, totally captivated my heart and I still remember the laughter and giggles when as a toddler he delightedly rubbed red Jello into his hair and on any other person who happened by.
But sadly, no matter how perfectly we may plan it, life doesn't always turn out so perfectly. And, so she walked out of my life one day and took my grandson with her.
Eleven years is a long time to never see your child's or your grandchild's face or hear their voice.
I missed all her twenties, and I often wonder what she looks like now at age 33. Is she still my beautiful, blue-eyed beauty? Or, like me, has she aged due to the loss?
And, Jacob? Sad to think he could pass me on the street and I would never know him or he know me. Yet, even when he was so very little he loved me. He knew I would try and protect him. I only hope he forgives me because I wasn't able to.
No matter what, Life just shouldn't be this way.
It's far too short even if one lives to be 100.
I love you, Melissa and Jacob.
I always will.
